Selling our second house through Faith and a little help from Mary

The summer of 2003 - First, we found ourselves in a financial crisis....the property value on the home we built in 1994 had nearly doubled as did our taxes.  Two of our largest referral sources for our business had left town and quite honestly I was afraid bankruptcy was looming unless we made some hard changes.  Our Accountant was convinced that we could keep the house (without bankruptcy) if we would cut all of the kids extra-curricular activities....maybe true since we had four kids!  Since the Accountant was my Dad, he knew our intentions when we built the house were to stay in it forever so he was pushing the cutbacks in other areas.  I had trouble with this reasoning because although alot of love went into the planning of this house, my kids lives were going to go forward and who knew when our finances would stabilize again.  To me....their enjoyment and learning from these activities was more important than my now overpriced home.  After all, a home is where my family and the love is - not the address.  I felt confident that we could find an equal sized (maybe even bigger?) home in an older neighborhood and fix it up but it was a gamble.  

As I sat at my vanity, doing my hair, this one particular morning, the stress was too much and I began to cry (not a crier, typically).  I was just so frustrated and lost....confused as to which was the right decision  - including the concerns of 1.) did I want to have to hear from my Dad for the rest of my life how I screwed up, AND 2.) if we listed the house and tried to keep it clean enough to show - with 4 kids - would it sell in time to pay the fast looming deadlines for the creditors?  So as I sat wallowing in self-pity I decided to ask Mary (yes, the Virgin Mary, Mother of God) what her opinion was, reasoning that she was a mother, what would she do?  

A little back story - I converted from Lutheranism to Catholicism in 2000 to keep our family unified.  I really had no problem with Lutheranism, but had agreed to raise my children Catholic and they were getting old enough to question some things within the church teachings.  Specifically, Dillon wanted to know if I was going to Heaven even if I wasn't Catholic - this seemed to be causing him great concern.  One of the big differences in Catholicism, of course, is that we pray to Saints and the Virgin Mary to intercede for us - much like when we ask a friend to pray for us.  I was not comfortable with this piece of being Catholic yet because, quite frankly, why did I need to ask for intercession when I can go straight to the top myself?  I reasoned, if He doesn't want to answer my prayers, then I must not need them answered. However, on that morning, I decide to ask Mary (a mother, like me) what to do....should I sell the "family" home or cut all the extras?... and no kidding....the doorbell rings!  It is Kern Egger, a real estate agent from across the street and she has a probable buyer for my house sight unseen!  And she is asking, would we be interested?  (She knew nothing of our financial situation or that I was considering selling!)  How could we not be interested after that direct and immediate response to my prayer/question?  I believe that would have been the spiritual equivalent to a slap on the Lord's face!  So of course...she needs to officially list it and we set an appointment for the couple to view the house. We get an official offer immediately (the highest offer recorded in our neighborhood) and they want to close in 2 weeks!  This is mid July and so we push back to the end of August, after all, we hadn't even looked at the market yet!  Within 2 weeks, after a few refusals to our offers, one is finally accepted!

Even this house quest wasn't without drama - we were trying to stay within the kids current school district and we had seen everything available.  We were just about to accept an unacceptable alternative (it had a roof and four walls but needed a new roof and lots of work on the inside) when I got online one more time and searched the area.  A house came up in the area we wanted but it had another school erroneously listed as its district!  I had our agent call the owner and a deal was made - and yes, it was a little larger than the one we were leaving - the growing kids would each have their own rooms and the girls and boys would each have their own bathroom - super nice for growing pre-teens!  Meanwhile, our house was going through the normal inspections and our buyer wanted us to fix every little thing - much of it unreasonable - they weren't buying a "new" house, they were buying a "new-to-them" house (it was almost 10 years old).  However, at the same time, we were getting bids in behind theirs and some were even for more than the appraised price, so we were able to say "no" to their demands!  We were selling this house! (Yes, I think it ALL was a God thing - every little bit - guided all through the process.)

Three Wishes

Remember at the end of the movie, Under the Tuscan Sun, when the lead character says something like "its funny how life works out but not the way we planned" and her co-star says, " oh but I think it did."  He then proceeds to remind her that when he met her while selling her the house, she had three wishes for this house, to have love, a marriage, and start a family.  Of course she meant for herself and in her mind at that point, none of it had come true although she was happy.  However, what he saw was that her friend had come from America, had her baby, and stayed - a family was started.  They were talking at the reception, at her home, of her very dear friend that she "mothered" who just got married to a neighbor girl - a marriage. And finally, he walks away and she sits down on a patio chair exhausted from the days events, and a foreigner, a Canadian or an American, walks up to her and asks if she knows the owner of the house and a spark is lit - love.  The movie was based on a true story and I believe it demonstrates how often we overlook God in the details of our lives because he didn't answer our wishes or our prayers the way we intended.

This occurred to me today because as I was laying in bed this morning recounting my last few days, I realized three of my wishes may be coming true but not in the fashion I imagined.  I have been praying about how to help my mom with my dad who is moving into a very dependent stage of Alzheimer's.  They have been fiercely independent up to this point living in a rather large home with no help.  She maintains a volunteer position, book club and luncheons with friends, and is now learning to manage the house and responsibilities, including the bills, like many 1950's wives had to learn late in life.  We talked about moving in together, but the stress of my work, my daughter's ongoing health issues, and our financial instability seemed to not only prevent us from moving but also seemed to make my personal stress (and illness) even worse.  (I wish I could quit my job for awhile or reduce it to a very minimal part-time status and just stay home in order for me to recover from what the doctor is calling PTSD symptoms based on our past 10 years of high stress.)  In a similar prayer, I have been wanting to move out of this house.  (That's actually how the topic of moving in together came up - I was telling mom that we were considering moving.)  We moved here when my daughter was diagnosed with cancer, and for me, it will always be the cancer house.  The fact that its dark and older, doesn't help, and in fact, adds to the depressingly lengthy repair list.  This summer has been the worst drought and its taking a toll on everyone's housing structure.  Our house has large cracks in the walls both inside and out that will need fixed prior to a sale.  The list of repairs and cleaning that needs done prior to listing this house for sale is overwhelming.  The easiest way, if possible would be to move out, fix it, and then list it....who can look beyond the dining room table in our Master bedroom since we turned the dining room into our daughter's first floor bedroom?  As they say - "Its cheaper to keep her."  We decided to fix what we could, as we could, and pray for what we couldn't do such as rain to level us back out (which we got that week and doors that were shut were magically able to open and close again!)

God is a puzzle doer, as in he likes to piece together the jigsaw puzzles of our lives.  He has listened to my prayers, and many others, and pieces them together to help many.  I don't believe he inflicts pain and suffering or disease on his children but I do believe that when disease occurs, he will try to help.  I also believe you need to prayerfully ask for his intercession as he respects our freedom of choice.  Its been my experience that it doesn't always get answered on my time line, but we are living on God's time, and his time is perfect....one must be patient.  Nor does it always get answered the way I thought it should be answered, but again, if I'm patient, it seems his responses are much better than I thought.  So it goes with my three prayers or wishes.  On Monday, my mom called to tell me her Hematologist, told her that he suspects she has another blood disorder in addition to her current thrombocytosis or essential thrombocythemia - too many platelets.  She has too much protein in her blood and will need a bone marrow biopsy next Monday to rule out or confirm multiple myeloma - too many plasma cells.  She has been maintaining the other disease with a oral medication with very few side effects however, when reading up on this cancer, this one sounds like its the full deal - chemo, radiation, and possible bone marrow or stem cell transplant.  She will no longer be able to live 45 minutes from the doctors, drive herself, and take care of Dad and the home.  They must move and they must get help.

So back to the thought of moving in together.  We live in a two story home and have already converted the dining room into a bedroom for our daughter....not ideal, but it was a necessity.  In order to help mom and dad (wish one), we will need a new house - wish two - check and check.  And we will need to hire help or have her pay me (a nurse) to stay home - wish three - check.  I am scared to death that I can't do this both physically and emotionally.  Not only is there research out there that shows that nurses who care for family at home in addition to working die younger, I'm not working with a great gene pool here folks!  I'm a breast cancer survivor from my 40's, I had both maternal and paternal grandmothers have Alzheimer's or dementia at the very least, and I have my Dad's anxiety disorder.  So in addition to all that, I have never kept a clean enough house for my parents and now they are going to live in our house with me cleaning it!  I can cook but I get overwhelmed, like everyone some days, but my mom was Mrs. Cleaver who had everything prepared precisely at 5pm (without a microwave!) for my Dad to walk in the door and eat - table set with linens, at the very least placemats and I don't do that.  I don't want their last years to feel like a living hell (humor).  I know this is not what they will be worried about but it all adds stress.  However, I digress from the main issue....

God has a plan.  I believe he is answering my prayers to the benefit of my parents, my brother in Ohio (who won't have to worry), and to my family.  The only one who seems to get a bad deal in this is my husband (although they say you marry the family), who was with me in looking forward to a quiet house with our last child leaving for college next month.  No rest for the weary....we're the sandwich generation.  Fortunately, he is a hospice nurse whose skills may come in handy in the distant future.  May God bless him for being the Saint my mother (and his) always thought he was.  As it is, he IS a VERY caring, Christian man, who serves others....I needed him 36 years ago when I met him in high school and still do today - another of God's blessings in my life.